The biggest thing I’ve learned this summer is that some of the most amazing things in this life are out of my comfort zone. If you know me personally, you know that I have a hard time making any sort of decision. Whether it’s a choice related to food or the future, I like for other people to make it for me. Rewind to about 15 months ago, I was sitting with some of my best friends from choir on the Chuy’s patio attempting to decide on a college before my decision was due the next day. Today, I’m faced with same scenario, except I’m not with friends, and I’m not at home in Nashville. I have learned, over the past 2 months, that this indecisiveness is a BAD thing. It can be paralyzing; however, it can also serve as the platform for incredible spiritual and personal growth.
After posting “Dream a Little Dream With Me,” I was overwhelmed with the outpour of love and support I’ve received from family, friends, my co-workers at my internship, past and present teachers and complete strangers. Through meaningful conversations and heart-to-hearts, I’ve been given a ton of advice and information to consider that I will continue to think about even after this decision has been made, so THANK YOU ALL. Your support means more to me than I could ever express.
I received an extension from NYU last week, which gave me more time to contemplate transferring to Tisch. With the final decision due to admissions tomorrow, I am still unsure about what that decision will be. New York City is out of my comfort zone. The path my life would take if I choose to go there would be drastically different than the way my life would look if I stay and bloom where I’m planted. I’ve looked at so many numbers and amounts, considered all of my dreams, thought about all possible outcomes, and then I hear this voice that says “be still, I’m God.” You see, in the midst of the constant thinking, it becomes harder to hear any sort of answer I wanted the Lord to just give me. I had a great conversation with my show choir director from high school regarding waiting and listening after a man came up to me and said, “guess you’re ready for New York, kid.” I had taken this as a divine sign in making my decision. I was ready to hit “accept” and not examine the effect. At the end of our conversation, she reminded me of the great hymn “His Eye is on the Sparrow.” The lyrics say: I sing because I’m happy / I sing because I’m free / His eye is on the sparrow and I know He watches me.
The same God that created the universe, who created me in His image, knew I would be facing this decision. This alone brings peace. He didn’t want it to be a burden…it’s a blessing.
Today, after leaving church, I met with a professor who will be coming to my current school in the fall. She suggested I evaluate every aspect of my life…what I wanted, what my goals are, the environment my personality (go ENFJs!) does best in, my life experiences up to this point in my life, and she encouraged me that even if I decide one thing and change my mind, God will work everything out. I took her advice and began to look back over the past 19 years I’ve had on this earth. I can see God’s incredible orchestration through relationships, networking, opportunities, etc. I have no doubt that the Lord will continue to lead me and guide me through this journey, and I’m sure I’ll look back on tomorrow, July 18th, 2016, as a pivotal day in my life.
As for tonight, I’m surrendering, trusting and having faith…
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” -Jeremiah 29:11